call me V. 24. pansexual. trans. poly. (she/her). bit of a slut, bit of a clutz, 100% a cynical cunt. my real name means bird i think. search 'ooh' for cool stuff. minors dni
all these hullabaloo about the billionaire death capsule reminds of last year when a local (Mexican) entrepreneur suddenly died at her home, and it was all tragic and such until it was revealed how she died.
You see, this woman created a religious brand for kids based on the Virgin Mary, obviously to appeal to the more conservative people here, it’s the tackiest shit you’ll ever see, and for a while in the 2000’s it was *inescapable*. It’s called “Distroller”, look it up.
Well, coming back to her sudden passing, she died when she fell off her couch. How so? Well, the tacky shit wasn’t limited to her stupid Catholic brand; her home decor was extra as fuck, including a god-damned couch elevator.
Yeah, she had a couch that could lift itself to the second floor, for some reason. And, obviously, this is a couch elevator that lacked any safety measures, like seatbelts, or anything to break your fall in case you slip. Which she apparently did, although the version going around was that she fell asleep on the couch, it somehow got up in the air, and she fell head first from the second floor.
And yeah, the whole “don’t make fun of this hilarious death” cycle happened as well, but come on. She fell from her elevator couch. Pretty sure the Virgin Mary received her with open arms after proselytizing for years.
I live for these stories, guys.
Couch Elevator was not something I was expecting to read about today.
here at the sandwich shop, we’ve started to notice some people who are new to sandwiches aren’t used to meat and cheese between two slices of bread. they find this practice strange and confusing. that’s why we’ve decided to cut the bread out all together. from now on, we’ll just serve slices of meat and cheese on a plate.
we know that many of our loyal sandwich shop customers have been coming here for years to buy our delicious sandwiches. but some people don’t “get” sandwiches, and we need to try and appeal to them with an easier-to-understand meal format. we will no longer be serving sandwiches. all of our food will just be cold cuts on a paper plate. we love our customers and appreciate your understanding <3
Ugh, was having a great time mocking my recently imprisoned rival when I noticed the camera positioning makes it so that I appear behind the bars, thus framing me as trapped in a metaphorical prison of the narrative, now my whole day is ruined. Fuck.
- already owns $200 sewing machine, $100 dress form, full supply of thread/haberdashery
“You can recreate your favorite fast food menu items at home for less money and more flavor,” says the person with $3k in Le Creuset cookware, six professional kitchen appliances, living in the heart of a large city with ample grocery selection, sponsored by Hello Fresh and Skillshare.
“You can cook this full course meal for less than five dollars!” says the person who acts like you can buy $0.001 worth of salt, $0.05 worth of flour, and $1.27 worth of pork.
I’m sorry @chigrima but this just passed peer review:
